AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
