Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
