hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
