Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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