OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She even gives head with a lisp.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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