I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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