I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I have feelings that need drinking.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
