I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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