All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
