I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
