watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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