Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just blew my weed a kiss
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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