I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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