i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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