You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
