my shit smells like andre
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
