I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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