grandma shit on top of the toilet
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Is it penis luge time yet?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.