I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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