Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Every concussion has its silver lining
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.