insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
