do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
