Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Couch. On fire.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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