Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
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