ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
