I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
