It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
