In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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