i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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