You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
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