Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
that's an acceptable place to lick
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
