We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
