it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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