So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
