Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
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how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
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I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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