Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize