I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
