I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
