u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
