The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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