we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
