In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
