new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
