Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
