I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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