she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
