I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
