I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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