Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
