She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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