I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
