Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
