ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
