So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
