Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
