Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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