I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
organizing the empties. That sober.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
