Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
