Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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