I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
