did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
