It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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