Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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