Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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