Whod you bang
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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