I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I could fuck to npr.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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