the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
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Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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