I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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