I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
